More Grace

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore
                               Hillsong United, None But Jesus


With the news of baby #5 on her way, this song was appropriate for today! 

My Votive Offering: 1st Grade Curriculum

On Sunday my husband was telling about an ancient Hebrew tradition called Votive Offering. Votive offerings "refers to those things that are vowed or dedicated to God...as an expression of reverence or thanksgiving."- Thanks, Orthodoxy Wiki This is my Votive offering or Thank offering:

I have been searching for curriculum for a few months now, researching what will be best for my children.  I knew I wanted something that followed the principles of Charlotte Mason and Leadership Education.  

I didn't care much for My Father's World curriculum a year ago when I was searching out a Kindergarten program, but my philosophy of education has changed so much in a year!  I had settled on their 1st grade curriculum for Isaiah with just a couple supplements for Moriah. I needed reassurance from the Lord that this was the right curriculum for us so that when we get into the thick of it all I can rest in that assurance.  So, I laid a fleece out for the Lord...If this is the curriculum you have for us, would you provide a way to pay for it?  It cost $259 without shipping.  I planned on buying it this weekend at the Greater Home school Convention in Cincinnati which would eliminate any extra taxes and shipping.  

While we were in Arizona my grandma handed me $260!  God had provided the assurance I needed!  

Thank you, Lord, that when I look to You, You answer..even my silly requests!  

A Happy Mama

He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Psalm 113:9

I remember a time I hated being a Mom. Gasp! Yes, I feel sick saying it aloud, but I hated it.  The "what ifs" of fear ruled my life every second of the day...there was no peace to be found.  I continually reached the "end of my rope" and wanted to run.  The temper tantrums, strong-wills, challenges of teaching outside of the home, trying to be superwoman at church.  Sure, I loved hearing, "How on earth do you do it all?", but always felt that I was about to snap in anger or just have an emotional break down.

I remember vividly sitting at the park watching Moms interact with their children with such joy, peace, and true contentment.  That is what I wanted.  To be able to set other things aside and enjoy my children, my role in life.

In 2010 I was on the verge of another breakdown and I was ready to give up.  The dream of having a big family was fading because I didn't believe I could do it.  This angry, fearful mother was ruining the 2 children I already had.

I signed up to go to the Titus Women's Retreat in picturesque Wilmot, Ohio through an invitation from an acquaintance...to get away with the Lord and sort things out.

April 21, 2010, I went to the altar and prayed with Linda Boyette.  I don't remember everything she said, but one thing stands out...JESUS IS ENOUGH! And in that moment at that blessed altar, I knew what I was really missing was total surrender to Jesus.  She had me read Ezekiel 36:25-27- (My own version) :)

I will sprinkle clean water on Heather, and Heather will be clean;
I will cleanse Heather from all of her impurities and from all of her idols.
I will give Heather a new heart and put a new spirit in Heather;
I will remove from her a heart of stone and give her a heart of flesh.
I will put my spirit in Heather and move her to follow my decrees and be careful to follow my laws.

After the realization of the power of that verse in my life, I felt the complete LOVE and PEACE of the Holy Spirit come upon me.  A reassurance that everything was going to be okay.  A realization that even when I mess up, Jesus is still there and He is still enough.  It wasn't about me..striving, trying, struggling...it was all about Him.  I just had to give in, surrender.  And I DID!  I surrendered...everything!

I went home to life...changed.  Resting in Jesus.  I can tell you today, 3 years later that He is still enough!

My little Ezekiel (Named from that verse) was born on April 20, 2011.  He was my promise from God that He will equip me for the journey of motherhood.  I have no need to fear.  He is enough!

Praise You, Jesus, for the strength to surrender...daily.      

Thank you that this verse is true in my life today...He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Psalm 113:9

His Provision

If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those that ask him!  Matthew 7:11

I remember from the time I was very young God answering the prayers of my heart.  Without thinking much about it, I asked Him for everything.  When I needed new jeans, I prayed and He'd provide name brand, like new jeans at the thrift store.  When I needed anything that I knew my parents didn't have enough money for, I asked God.  God was my Daddy and I knew that deep within my soul.

It wasn't that I thought of God as my Sugar Daddy in the sky, but I knew He loved me and wanted to take care of me, so I figured He was the best one to ask.

Those memories of God providing for me have carried over into my Mama/ Adult life.  Or kids pray and ask God for things they want and need.  There are "wants" that we long to give them, but we can't afford at the moment, so we ask God.  We believe that if it's something we don't need, He will change our heart or we may have to wait for Him to provide, but He always provides.

When Isaiah was 3 years old, he asked Jesus for a Batman sword.  I tried to talk him out of it as any legalistic/ religious mother would, but he really wanted one.  So, I said, "okay"... with caution.  Sure enough, the very next Sunday someone handed me a Toys R Us gift card (for the Batman sword).

Our sweet Savior and Creator longs to take care of us.  He loves it when we ask and trust Him to provide for even our most basic needs.

The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.  James 5:16

In 2011 we were expecting our third child and still driving a little, red Toyota Corolla. I didn't know how, but  I knew deep within my soul that God would provide a way to transport our entire family around town.  I was believing for a new van, but not wanting to be too bold, I told Him that He could just enlarge the Toyota for us.  But, sure enough, the month before Ezekiel was born, our church presented a like new, Navy Blue Chrysler Town and Country Mini Van.  God had provided far beyond my wildest dreams.

His provision for our family continues!

This has been the theme of my life...My Father loves me and provides for my every need...and for that reason I can live a life without fear.

For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100:5



    

His Promise

I awoke in a cold sweat, flooded by fears of what may come...  Swim lessons. Five babies in one family. A little girl in floaties at 6. Dirty floors. Piano lessons. And somehow I ended up with..."You're a terrible Mother!" It all seems silly now. Was I really afraid that I wouldn't be able to get the kids swim lessons?  Judging by my heart rate and the inability to sleep I would say, yes! I leaped out of bed and ran for the one thing I knew to do...grasped for my Bible.

I just sat in the living room, completely exhausted from the battle that had been raging in my mind. I tried opening my Bible, but the words were blurry from the tears that had been spilled over unrealized fears.

Lord, I don't know how to deal with all of these thoughts, terrors coming at me.  I know I am being irrational, but I don't know how to conquer right now.  I'm feeling cloudy.  Weak.  Insane.

I sat desiring with every ounce of energy left to hear from Him.

His sweet whisper came...

Heather, Sweet Heather, I promised you...

Huh?

Remember my promises for you...

Yes, I remember my promise for this year, 2013!  I had highlighted it in bright orange because I knew it was what God had for me this year.  At the time I thought only claiming one promise was lazy on my part, but in the thick of fear, I only needed one.

 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye upon you!  Psalm 32:8

I cannot fail my kids because He is my teacher.  He is their teacher.   All of the fears raging at me were dispelled at this realization.

Later in the day I found a card that a great lady had purposefully dropped in my diaper bag.

I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground.;  I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants.  They will spring up like grass in a meadow, like Poplar trees by flowing streams.  Isaiah 44:3

Another promise.

In times of great fear...remember...remember His promises...remember His provision.



What are the promises God has given you for this year? 

Tea at the Junkyard

I love Patricia Polacco's books...she is one of my top ten favorite children's authors!  When I read her books the kids ask me why I am crying...again!

Today I read my favorite, The Junkyard Wonder, at our Ladies' Tea.  Here is the talk I gave:

This book for me was a continuation of what God has been teaching me for a while…this is the story of who we are in Christ….a story of Grace!

“Welcome to the junkyard, ladies!!” 

“We are…didn’t you notice…all of us are…different…you know, odd.  Like stuff in a junkyard!”

I assume that everyone in this room can relate to that “junkyard” feeling.  Perhaps we’ve overcome our own inferiority complex or we’re still working through the pain, but if we sit and ponder our lives for a while, each one of us can point to a time when someone told us we just didn’t have what it takes.  And, most of us believed them. 

“You’re fat!”

“You’re boring!”

“I don’t want to be your friend!”

“I don’t love you!”

“I don’t have time for you!”

“I would rather spend my time with someone else!”

“You’re stupid!”
“You’re ugly!”

“You’re lazy!”

“You just don’t have what it takes!”

Maybe not said this blatantly, but we’ve all heard some form of these degrading comments. If we haven’t ourselves, then we’re dealing with the pain of our children hearing…”You’re stupid, unlovable, unruly, bad….the list goes on!” 

These degrading comments are debilitating.  Blame it on Satan.  Each time we hear this from someone in the flesh, he whispers, ‘That’s right…you are’…and our ‘junkyard feeling’ continues!’

But, I am here to tell you, Beautiful ladies…

“Today you have entered  a place of wondrous possibilities! What some see as bent and broken throwaways are actually things waiting to be made into something new!  Something unexpected.  Something surprising. “

Here is what the Creator of the universe says about you…

• You are my child.  (John 1:12).
• You are my friend.  (John 15:15).
• You are my delight. (Zephaniah 3:17)
• You have been set free from the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:2).
• As a child of God, You are a fellow heir with Christ. (Romans 8:17).
• You are accepted by Christ. (Romans 15:7).
• In Christ Jesus, you have wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption.  (1 Corinthians 1:30).
• Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who dwells in you. (1 Corinthians 6:19)
• You have been set free in Christ. (Galatians 5:1).
• You have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 1:3).
• You are chosen, holy, and blameless before God. (Ephesians 1:4).
• You are redeemed and forgiven by the grace of Christ. (Ephesians 1:7).
• You are God’s workmanship created to produce good works. (Ephesians 2:10).
• You have been brought near to God by the blood of Christ. (Ephesians 2:13).
• You are a member of Christ’s body and a partaker of His promise. (Ephesians 3:6). 
• You have boldness and confident access to God through faith in Christ. (Ephesians 3:12).
• God loves you and has chosen you (1 Thessalonians 1:4).
• You have been made complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10).

We all need a Mrs. Peterson in our lives, someone who can remind us that we’re genius’.  We can do anything through Christ.  The possibilities of our lives are limitless.  Someone who can say, “This is who God says you are…and I believe it”…someone who looks at us just through the eyes of Grace…no expectations…no judgment…GRACE.

For me, that instrument of grace first came in the form of an accountability group in college.  After years of being rejected by my so-called friends, 3 girls and I would get together and talk and pray our little hearts out.  It was the first time in my life I was completely honest with someone outside of my family.  This gut-honest girl group prepared me for marriage.  I got used to sharing everything and feeling accepted.  So, before we got engaged I made sure to air all of my dirty laundry (with great fear and in trepidation) with Nathan.  And, surprise…there was grace.  And His grace for me finally allowed me to see God’s grace realized in my life.  See, without knowing it, I had been “trying” so hard to be holy that I wasn’t resting and relishing in His Grace.          

That is where He wants me…and you…resting and surrendering to His Grace…allowing His Holy Spirit to do all the work!

Can you imagine a place where you could be completely honest about the darkness and doubt that creeps in?  

About the fears you face on a daily basis?

About what is really going on in your home?

About the inadequacy you feel when you talk to others?

This is that place…

We all need a Mrs. Peterson…we all need to be a Mrs. Peterson to others as well…

A Vessel of grace…Grace to speak the genius we see in others…Grace to listen without condemning…Grace to allow our mouths to zip and not speak that harsh word…grace to pray for the Holy Spirit’s conviction in others’ lives…Grace to applause the victories and the realized failures…Grace to walk side by side on the journey…

“Every one of you is my wonder!”    

I long for each one of you to rest in the arms of His Grace right now…You’re forgiven…He’s chosen to forget…and He longs for you to sit and listen to Him say, “You are my wonder!  I see the possibility…I see the amazing outcome!"  

His grace will carry you…His grace will keep you on the path, showing you how and where to walk…

Metamorphosis of a Messed Up Mama

Metamorphosis is a biological process by which an animal physically develops... which is usually accompanied by a change of habitat or behavior. This is a Greek word which means transformation or change of shape.  (Thanks, Wikipedia)

I told my husband last night, "For the first time in my life I haven't had nightly 'Mom guilt' for quite a few nights in a row!  Maybe the Lord's changing me?"  He replied as a wonderful, supportive husband should, "That's awesome!  What's made the difference?"  Hmm....

Grace.

On this short journey of fearlessness I have found grace.  Grace that allows me to play with my kids and let  other things go at the moment.  Grace to stop and stand in awe of the beauty around me.  Grace to allow my kids to 'mess up' and make mistakes and learn from them.  Grace to go outside and play in the rain when there are e-mails to be answered.  Grace to put ourselves in uncomfortable people situations because we can rest in His love and protection for our family.  Grace to not nag my husband.  Grace to look different than I thought we would.  Grace to allow others to look down on me/us because we're not doing it like them.  Grace to homeschool our kids differently than others homeschool. Grace that sinks down deep into my soul.  Sweet Grace... Sigh...

Grace is this Mama's cocoon...Grace is changing me.  Oh, the beloved cocoon!

Where did this process begin?  On my knees...when I finally realized I couldn't do it on my own.  When all I could do was look up.

Where will this process take me?  Only God knows...but allowing the process to take place...to wait...to surrender completely...to slow down and listen...this is beauty.

Fearless: trusting God's process of Metamorphosis for me...trusting that in the end will emerge a beautiful butterfly (disclaimer: this butterfly will look unlike any other...her own special scars...her own God-given way of flying...you may not think she is the MOST beautiful or the butterfly you would have chosen...but she will be beautiful all the same!)!

Fearless Resources:

• Simplehomeschool.net  (Jamie Martin, the editor of Simple Homeschool, has been a mentor on this journey...I haven't met her yet, but her writings have spoken peace and joy into my homeschooling heart)
• Grace- Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel (this book came around Christmas as God was laying the word 'fearless' on my heart)
• Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning (the book I can't put down...it's transforming this rigid-homeschooling mama) 
• Lora Fanning of Vitafamiliae.com (this sweet Mama of seven is an inspiration)